FZR & Ronin

there you go……….shit that will be cooler then you for the rest of your life.

Ronin here, back from the dead and FINALLY burned out on the Ghostbusters game. So how do I get back in the spirits of reviewing fucked and strange videos after alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll that ghost bustin’ goodness? Oh, I can think of something

Was there ever a doubt in yo mind cracker? I’m talking bout the one hit wonder that is Ray Parker Jr.’s Ghostbusters. This is a phenomenal song! Without a doubt one of the greastest, catchiest, easy to remember theme songs ever. I’d go so far has to say that it’s part of the reason the movie has endured so long. But unfortunately, it came out in the 80′s….that’s right. We’re still stuck in the fuckin’ 80′s! I can’t seem to get away from it, but has the quote goes: “It snowed alot in the 80s”.

So this video starts off harmless enough, with some nameless broad going into a typically 80s style neon light house. Really, what is up with these people? Most cheesy videos of the time had these things. Why? I don’t get it. You didn’t see Michael Jackson using them in Thriller or Smooth Criminal. So you can do good ones without the damn things. Musta been the drugs. Look even the chick in the video seems to be bothered by the fuckin’ things…and those two kids that just pop up from behind the couch. Why? Are you really going to ask that this early in the video? Well, to add to the strange factor, ghost Ray Parker jives in, queuing up more children to chant ghostbusters. Right on. He starts using the magical crouch grabbing powers to move the phone, mystifying the bitch-ARGH GOD WHAT THE FUCK! Who’s this random white dude popping up? Looks like a nerd of some sorts. The nameless chick proceeds to watch some Ghostbusters clips (right on), and decided to take a nap while ghost Parker looms in the shadows joined by, what the fuck?!? Chevy Chase!?! I didn’t know you were a peeping tom too?! Sweet! Parker is about to pull the sheets off the bed Chevy, this well be awesome! The video goes on has some other random celebrity pops up to say ‘ghostbusters’, not really sure who she is. I think that Ray is chasing the bitch through some neon hallways, not quite sure. But oh man, things get real crazy when fuckin’ John Candy joins the party in yet another celebrity cameo. I do enjoy the scene where the nameless wench thinks she’s gotten away from the ghost rape orgy that is no doubt a coming by hiding on the neon stairs, when Parker Jr arises from the the stairs like Jesus himself! Owww, let the raping being! Sadly if any happens, we miss it has they go back to more celebs popping in to say ‘Ghostbusters!‘. You know, because they weren’t cool enough to be in the movie. Back to the plot of the video, Ray seems to have the upper hand, has soon the raping will being! But, uh! It seems like the chica has grown a pair, and learns that she too has to power to summon random people to say ghostbusters! in windows. Ray responses by showing her his awesome Ghostbusters shirt. What happens next is one of the coolest moments in 80′s music videos; we see Ray Parker, has well as all the Ghostbusters (even Ernie Hudson!) in full costume dancing down Time Square. A scene so awesome, it was used for the closing of the Ghostbusters cartoon show. We get some more celebs popping in, but by this point the video has just about used all its tricks on us, and now is just a catchy song. You can tell, because Ray, the nameless chick, and apparently Al Franken go off to have hot non rape sex without the rest of us. Lame. We do get more Time Square action, which never stops being cool. The video is just about over-OH MY GOD!!! THIS IS TO AWESOME!!! QUICK, PUT THE VIDEO TO 3:58! Bill fuckin’ Murray break dancing, in Time Square, with the rest of the Ghostbusters in tow! To make it even better, the ‘no ghost’ logo appears over Time Square. Sure this video is weird and fucked up! But god damn bustin’ make me feel good!

Ronin out, peace bitches!

Fuck you YouTube! You fuckin’ video nazi bastard! I almost had to get this code Myspace, but in the end, I figured it would be more fitting to take the code from MTV. Sure it’s just has lame, but we are talking about Dire Straits – Money For Nothing.

Dire Straits |MTV Music

Ahhh, you know anytime you get a video with neon lights you’re in for a good time. Lets factor something in here, this video was groundbreaking at the time. One of the first uses of computer-animated humans. That was something you didn’t see to much back then. The effect has not aged well and is part of what makes this video so fucked up. Just look at this guy! It’s hard to believe that at one point in human history, this looked awesome! God damn, a SciFi pictures original has better looking effects then this! Shit I can do better then this! Of course, the technology has changed alot since then. You can’t really bash this video because of the effects, since it was fuckin’ 1985! It’s not fair to insult it for that…but what the hell, I’ll do it anyway! Good god look at these guys, and there little dog too! I also thought the wallpaper was a nice touch. They look like music notes, or are they ducks? Fuck, I don’t know. The funky fresh carpet is strange too. What the hell kind of moving man is this guy? Where are all the pictures of nude chicks at? And no video from the 80s would be complete without the flashing neons. Makes me wonder, if an episode of Pokemon can cause seizures, why not the neons? It’s a crime I say. But I have to say that the song has one of the catchiest guitar riffs ever. It’s part of the staying power of the song. Certain lyrics in the song got Dire Straits in trouble if I’m not mistaken. Honesty, I didn’t know the song was changed until I i decide to review the video. What lyrics you ask? Well, surely you’re listening to the video has you read, I’m sure its popped up now. Yeah, that’s right, the part where the fat guy calls the singer in the video a faggot. Yeah, the queers and dykes don’t like the word faggot (nor do they like ‘queer’ or ‘dyke’), but grow a fuckin pair. In all honesty, it’s not even used I a real negative way, least not has negative has I heard it used on Xbox Live. The fat guy is just upset that he’s gotta install microwave ovens, custom kitchen deliveries, he’s gotta move these refrigerators, he’s gotta move these color TV’s!!!!!! Damn catchy tone. So catchy in fact that back in middle school, FZR had this school stuck in my head for a week. Dead serious. Another note worthy fact about the song is the opening line, ‘I want my MTV’, done by Sting of all people. And the line itself is a cock sucking line if I ever heard one:

Dire Strait: Gee, I really think I have what it takes MTV, I can be an 80s super star!

MTV: Hmm, well the riff sure is catchy. Tell ya what, suck my cock and open your song saying you want more MTV and I’ll see to it this song is played constantly!

Dire Strait: *gulp* (looks at MTV’s herpes riddled cock) Do I really have too?

MTV: Start sucking boy!

Least that’s how it happens in my book. Funny to think at one time MTV had that kind of power. And in all fairness, this song did add to it. But now, MTV is a herpes infested whore, rarely showing any music videos. And Dire Straits? Well, I know they’re still around. But like most former 80s super bands, they might has well install microwave ovens, custom kitchen deliveries, they might has well move refrigerators, might has well move color TV’s!!!!!!

Holy mother of mother fuckers, I’m about to tackle a tricky one; Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker. I’d been thinkin’ about doing a Michael Jackson video for a little bit now. But I couldn’t decide on which one. Then I watch the the Nostalgia Critic review of Moonwalker, and it became so very clear to me. This is the one.

Moonwalker was Michael Jackson’s 1988 ‘film’ if you wanna call it that, in which he ahhhh, well ahhhh…..shows a montages of his work for an hour and thirty minutes. Wow. Some would say that this shouldn’t count has music video since it’s a quote, ‘film’. Well, fuck you. Have you ever seen this thing? I saw it once on VH1 has part of some Michael Jackson weekend shit they were doing. It’s one big music video! And a really really fucked up one to boot. Seriously, I throw down the gantlet to anyone, ANYONE to find something more fucked up then this. Sadly, I can’t post the video up here since it is an hour and a half. So you’re gonna have to make do with the Nostalgia Critic review of it.

Alright, time for another trip to the weird wacky land of Fucked Up Music Videos. Lets think about the 80s for a second shall we. I know, it’s painful but bare with me. The 80s were fucked up! The hair was big, the cartoons had little animation, the clothes were flashy and the music…well like FZR said, ‘it snowed alot in the 80s’. Just saying. Music of any era tends to reflect on the times in some way. By in large most of what the 80s had was cocaine, but they also had the end of the Cold War. A war in which the US and the Soviet Union shook their dicks at one another has appose to shooting each other. Unlike today were we fight wars that do involve shooting each other! Hurray! Most 80s musicians chose to ignore the Cold War and focus on cocaine and pussy. But 80s super group Genesis decided to combine the two! The end result? The mind fuck known has Land Of Confusion.

It’s a pretty fair bet that Phil Collins wasn’t the biggest fan of Ronald Reagan, which is a pretty popular opinion. I could be wrong, but from best I can gather the song is working on the fear that the Cold War will turn into a raging hot one. Which is quite silly considering that by this point, it was clear that the Soviets were harmless. So I don’t quite get why there is a fear of annihilation…and a monkey. But that’s were the cocaine comes in!

Evidence of the involvement of cocaine #1:
Puppets

I’ve known more then one person that say the strange art style of the puppets in this video scared them has children. I also know people that thought Thriller was scary, but that is neither here nor there. It’s kinda sad that so many people think that. Sure its a bizarre style, but it does catch your attention now doesn’t it? I’m not to sure about that strange field of heads in the swamp and desert though. That’s pretty out there. Has I understand it, they’re suppose to be politicians of the 80s, and some do look familiar, but fuck man! I can’t stop thinking about Collins creepy puppet head! He looks like bad hamburger meat man! And why is Mrs. Reagan singing with a monkey?!?

Evidence of the involvement of cocaine #2:
The Monkey

Frank man, I just found out where that shitty looking bigfoot suit came from! *bong* That’s an unfair statement, the monkey looks much better then that bigfoot suit they threw in a beer freezer. Why a monkey sir? Best I can figure, they were tripping balls and thought a monkey would be awesome. It does show up quite abit in this video. I’m guessing the symbolism is the Reagan is much like a monkey, but we all are. We share 99.9 of our genes with ape so up yours Genesis! I’m really over thinking this. After calling Reagan a monkey, we then see the 40th president running around in a Superman suit. That’s just about the biggest insult ever, has Superman is the lamest comic hero ever. Which leads us to the next evidence of cocaine:


The Dinosaurs


Oh man, the weird shit-o-meter just spiked off the chart here man. For no real reason we see Reagan eating dinner and watching Spitting Image with dinosaurs. Why? Oh, I don’t know! Nothing in this video makes a lick of fucking sense man! And is that suppose to be Prince eating his own tongue? Fuck man, I give up.

You know, for all the weirdness, this song does have staying power. Though it was released at the tail end of the Cold War, the fear of nuclear annihilation was real at the time, despite my jokes. The video is strange, by every meaning of the world. And yet, it’s also quite creative, and it’s actually a clever use of both surrealism and political satire. The song also delivers a positive message of how even though we live in rough and scary world, we can make a change for the better. I don’t understand the portrayal of Ronald Reagan as being physically and cognitively inept (he wasn’t diagnosed with Alzheimer’s for another eight years), and personally I think Reagan get a bad rap. But hey, dissent is the highest form of patriotism. I also remember reading that Reagan actually liked this video. But I read it on the internet, so who knows if it’s true or not. The song also got some new life with the Disturbed cover. Which is the better version depends entirely on who’s viewing, but one thing is for sure: the Genesis video is way more fucked up.

This was a recommendation from the Zombiegrrlz. I was bored and figured; ‘Eh, what the hell. Why not?’…I’ll tell you why not, cause it sucks ass!

Ok, in all fairness, I should just come out and say that I really don’t like Cradle of Filth, or this type of music. And let me clear up what I mean by ‘this type’ of music: I mean metal that has a terrible singer and is mixed like shit. I mean, listen to this song and then listen to the other two entries into the FUMV section, it’s like day and night. The singer just can’t sing. Come on now, admit it. He sounds like his balls have been slammed in a car door. Probably why he’s wearing that stupid fucking outfit (I’ll get to that) BUT! I will give Paul Allender some credit in that, at least he is not just growling into the mic and gurgling. Which, is what most of the metal bands out there call singing. His voice is horrible though. And the music…damn. You know, I’m sure these guys are talented and all (actually, I’m lying) but you could never tell by the way this is mixed. It sounds like fucking garbage! Just listen to it, and then listen to Iron Maiden and tell me which sounds better! It just pains me to think that this is the shit passes for metal today. When I was in High School, metal was fuckin’ Slayer, Pantera, Slipknot, Gwar, and Sevendust. And that was only about seven years ago. What happened man? The best new metal band I’ve heard in a few years comes from a Flash animated Adult Swim show! Long live Dethklok…I’m just saying.

Ok, you know I don’t like the band, or the song. So it goes without saying I hate this video. I actually watched it twice, and well….It sucks. I actually wouldn’t even call this video fucked up, so much has it’s trying to get attention with satanic images. That is soooo 90′s dude. I guess they figured, ‘It worked for Marilyn Manson, surely it’ll work for us too!’ In fact, when you look at these saps, you can tell they’re man crushin’ on Manson. Just look at the singers tight little leather outfit showing his nipples. WHY? Good fuck, why is that so popular? I know alot of men and women think this stuff is sexy (whatever floats your boat), but come on now! They’re all wearing some ridiculous leather outfits with spikes trying oh so hard to act like it’s still 1997 where that shit was popular. There’s just nothing in this video that Mason didn’t do. It’s just trying its best to be all satanic and anti religion. Oddly enough, you’d think that would mean I’d enjoy this a little more seeing how I don’t go for the invisible man in the sky routine (I’m a pastafarian myself ), but this isn’t Satanic and Anti Christianity to make a statement. It just wants attention. That’s what really pisses me off about videos like this, and bands like this. They KNOW there music sucks, so they decide to go the easy route and be all Satanic and shit. It shows a lack of creativity. And the fact that some asshole had the balls to call this ‘The greatest video EVER’ on youtube just proves that this is a fucked up music video. Join me next time, when I take a trip to the 80′s, and show you a video that’s legitimately fucked up, and not because its lame.

On a side note, I know I got all ‘Angry Ronin’ on this video, but please feel free to send in any videos that you think are fucked up. We love getting feedback, and look forward to more request. Also remember that while I do think this band and song are horse shit of the highest order, that in no way reflects on how I feel about the fans of the them. Feel free to like whatever shitty bands you want too.

This has to be one of the most fucked up videos to come out of the 80′s
and that’s saying a lot cause the 80′s where fucked up in there own right.
It “snowed” every day in the 80′s if you feel me.

So where to start about this video. Well Herbie Hancock started out as a Jazz piano player and well I’m sure the above mentioned snow got him to the point to where he would play the music in this video. First of all Hancock looks like Max Headroom in the fucking TV making all the crazy ass robots dance around and do there freaky hand and leg jives.

So lets look at some of the Robots in here we have the legs in the closet who kick the door open. Then we have the running legs on the endless loop around this crazy robot overlord house. Then we have the bird who sings along to ole Herbie he looks like a wal-mart version of Pterri the pterodactyl. Ah and my all time favorite, yes I saved the best for last.

The Jacking off bed ridden robot. Now I’m all for sexy android sex. It reminds me of the Ep. of Future Rama in which fry downloads a Lucy Lu bot that he can make sweet man on robot love with. I some day hope for the capability to down load sexy starlet androids and make sweet love to them myself. None the less though. When the though of creating robots when did the idea come to have one beat its robotic meat? Working its crank shaft. extending its ten meter cattle prod……so at this point it brings me to think should i buy one of those ASIMO robots Honda made for a robotic tuggie? I’m mean is it wrong if I get a HJ from a robot. I mean they are meant to serve us right? Not them self’s.

Although all this video broke turntablism into the mainstream cause it had steady heavy play on MTV and was one of the first videos to feature African Americans and garnered five MTV Video Music Awards in 1984, including Best Concept Video and Best Special Effects. It featured Grand Mixer DXT. Who directily influanced Mix Master Mike he stated in the Domumentary Scratch That this video inspired him to want to play the wheels of steal so is fucked up really a bad thing all in all. I mean the jacking off robot is kinda fucked but i mean really i would take a tug job from my Fem bot version of Rosario Dawson…..just saying.

We would have some sexy mulato babies…..

FZR will probable be much better at this then I, but we once talked about doing this has a new segment on the Sleepy Cast. But I think it will work much better to do this on the site. So lets start with Dead Memories by Slipknot. Some of you might think it’s too ‘main stream’ of a song….but fuck you.

Where do I begin? First off, why is this douche bag carrying a shovel and digging his own grave? What is this some kind of symbolism? And I know that Sid is the weird hyper guy, but he’s crawling all over the fucking walls man! I think he should have that checked out, it can’t be good for your blood flow to do that. And why the fuck does Joey have tree limbs coming out his fingertips?!?! You can’t drum that way, why would you do that? And somehow, he is still able to get bitches to crawl all over him. He better watch out or they’ll start crawling all over the fuckin’ wall like Sid was… And Craig…dude scares me. He’s just standing there with a negative filter on. Actually looks kinda cool. Then he starts bleeding smoke and shit. I’m with Corey on this, get the fuck out of that room! And I don’t get the point of Paul and the mirrors. He’s just coolin’, smashing mirrors. Whatever dude, you do what you do. The next room is pretty fuckin’ bad ass; it’s Clown partying it up like a rock star with hot bitches galore! Yay! Wait, what? Corey don’t leave, it’s the best room yet! Dude, the bitches are hot and they want you man!!! Of course he leaves, fuckin’ tool. Now ya done went and pissed off Mick. Hope he beats your ass. I like the trick photography they use to make Mick look massive. It’s a trick they love doing, even though Jim Root is actually taller then Mick. Speaking of Jim, DUDE! Pillow fight with sexy ladies on the bed? Man, and I thought Clown had a badass room! Corey don’t leave for the love of God! STAY! Course he leaves! Just HAAAAS to see Chris’s room. He’s just chillin’ in the dark lighting candles. Why? Fuck if I know, nothing in this video makes sense. Too make it even weirder, Corey seems to have taken a liking to the candles. Candles man? Really? Sexy pillow fight in the next room and you choose candles? Man fuck this video. And it only gets stranger from here folks. Compared to all the REALLY weird shit, this video is sane and sober.